by Ellen Barnes, Director

At Jowonio we want to help children become caring members of a community. While the common assumption might be that preschoolers are totally self-centered and unable to demonstrate empathy, our experience and much of the child development research contradicts that assumption. Infants show signs of agitation when others cry; toddlers may reach out to peers in distress by patting the child on the head, offering a toy, finding an adult. Preschoolers often play with and comfort each other. In our classrooms, we see kindness and sharing daily.

We can help young children learn to take the perspective of others by the example we set and how we talk with them about what happens in everyday life at home and at school. Our nurturing presence and behavior are as much the lesson as what we tell children they should be doing. So adults, who express concern about people in distress and take the initiative to help, set a powerful example in promoting caring. We can direct children to pay attention to the body language and words of others. Conversation is an important strategy ---about the day to day human events in school and at home as well as the lives and perspectives of the characters in our books and television. We can ask, “What do you think the little girl is feeling right now?” “Tell me what happened; now pretend you are your brother and tell me how he might feel.”) We want to teach cooperative conflict resolution strategies, where one’s own needs can be expressed but also take into account the needs of others. We want, as Alfie Kohn says, to “promote a disposition of wanting to know how others are feeling and being willing to figure it out,” “to develop the habit of seeing more deeply into others”.

In our classrooms children build relationships, work together as a group, learn from each other, and make decisions through discussion and consensus. In this process there is time to express one’s own feelings and ideas, listen to others, and offer suggestions. As adults we can gently acknowledge the social skills and kindnesses we see. We can also express our own failings (“Oops! I am so sorry I was grouchy today. I’d like to try talking about that again.”). Teachers assume that behavior is communicative and we learn to “read the intent” of a child’s actions, interpret them for others, and model and teach safe and positive strategies for getting one’s needs met. All through our daily routines we have a chance to practice caring (“warm fuzzies, not cold pricklies”). The range of ages and the range of needs of the diverse students in our groups provide opportunities to take turns being helpers, being responsible for someone else, as well as asking for help. We operate on the assumption that everyone belongs and we will work out a way for all to be part of the group. Our message is “You can’t say you can’t play”. Of course, actualizing this is a process and we all learn as we go! A caring community of children and adults is a living organism, changing and growing as are the individuals who are part of it. Seeing the development of each child into a kind human being is a joyous part of our work here.

Back to Our Philosophy on Childhood Behaviors