By Ellen Barnes, PhD., Director

Almost daily there are stories in the news of children who have been neglected or abused, growing up in poverty and disorganization, whose parents are overwhelmed by their financial and family circumstances. There are stories of children living with the early loss of a parent, marital tension or divorce, and teens succumbing to substance abuse. Many privileged children are “hurried”, engaged in so many activities, stressed by expectations, and their inner selves unseen by the adults in their lives. The children who get past these stressful circumstances to have a healthy self-concept, positive relationships, and productive work, do so because they have felt safe and loved. All of us have stretches of time where we are less engaged with our sons and daughters, more irritable and less thoughtful about dealing with them when they are challenging. But in the end, it is our love that gives them a foundation of self-worth to face the world as they grow.

I encourage you to read a book by Becky Bailey called I Love You Rituals. She describes loving, healthy activities that foster the development of loving, emotionally healthy children. These rituals optimize brain functioning and attention, hold families together during tough times, and strengthen the bond between adults and children that lay the foundation for mental health and insulate children from peer pressure. One suggestion she makes is to create positive nursery rhymes. Here’s an example, one of the many in her book:

A wonderful woman lived in a shoe.
She had so many children
She knew exactly what to do.
She held them, she rocked them
And tucked them in bed.
“I love you, I love you”, is what she said.

The American Academy of Pediatrics, in honor of Valentine’s Day, reminds us of the daily loving actions meaningful to our children; these were published in a list of Fourteen Ways to Show Love for Your Child:

 Use positive words and avoid sarcasm

 Respond promptly and lovingly to your child’s physical and emotional needs and banish put-downs from your vocabulary.

 Make an effort to set an example of courtesy and kindness at home and in public.

 When your child is angry, argumentative or in a bad mood, respond with affection and talk with him about his feelings.

 Be consistent in your responses and use non-violent forms of discipline.

 Spend time with each child alone doing something he/she enjoys.

 Schedule family game nights, where each family member gets to choose a game.

 Owning a pet can enhance wellness, stimulate physical activity, offer companionship.

 Get children involved in cooking with you—planning menu, shopping, preparing and serving the food.

 Encourage and support your child to develop interests and skills.

 Provide regular preventive medical care, keep your child safe from accidents, and support healthy choices in nutrition and exercise.

 Help your child foster positive relationships with friends, siblings, people in the community.

 Help your child develop positive self-esteem by loving and listening to him/her, offering steady encouragement to discover strengths, believe in him/her and acknowledge his accomplishments.

 Don’t forget to say “I love you” to children of all ages!